Pain in the ass
by joydragon
Summary: "God, Lance you're such a pain in the ass sometimes." In which Keith is socially awkward. Fluffy Klance. Bonus Alteans think humans are space orcs.


It's two AM whats up world.

Also I have became voltron trash and a slut for some klance

* * *

 **Pain in the ass**

"God, Lance you are such a pain in the ass sometimes." Keith growled, wiping the food goo off the front of his clothes. It's like Lance couldn't go two seconds without attention.

Lance just sighed heavily, murmuring, "I _wish_ I was a pain in your ass."

Keith froze. Did he just say that? Blinking rapidly, he spluttered, " _What?_ "

"What?" Lance blinked as well, as if just realizing he said that aloud. He stood suddenly, his chair falling to the ground behind him. "Wow, look at that! Dinner is over! Time for BED GOODNIGHT!" His voice escalated into a panicked scream before he bolted from the dining room.

Everyone stared with open mouths at the door he had exited from.

"You owe me twenty bucks, Pidge." Shiro said off-handedly before picking his spoon back up.

Pidge huffed, "I was sure Keith would snap first, dammit." She ignored Shiro's light chastising of her language.

Hunk just shrugged. "About time, really. Even I was starting to get uncomfortable with all that sexual tension between them."

Keith banged his fist on the table. "Lance is _gay?! Why didn't any of you tell me?!"_

"Well," Hunk said cautiously, "he's technically bisexual, not gay. So, if we'd told you he was gay, we'd be kind of lying, right?"

Keith ignored his babbling, grabbing his head in panic. "He only hits on girls! I don't- I never- _what?_ " Keith gasped. Confusion swirled in his eyes, along with what looked like slight hope.

Hunk's eyes narrowed. "Yeah, Lance stopped hitting on guys after..." He paused, not wanting to remember the incident. Or share it without Lance's permission. He decided it was something they should know. "After this one guy didn't take it so well, and Lance got a little roughed up."

Shiro's eyes flashed in anger, Pidge's whole body language screamed murder, and Keith was already plotting to add this homophobe to his hit list.

"But anyway," Hunk shook his head, as if to shake off the bad memories, "he's had the hots for you for ages."

"Oh my _quiznack._ " Keith felt like fainting.

Shiro smirked. "And we all know you're secretly obsessed with him, too."

"Oh no." Keith gasped. "Does _he_ know?!"

Pidge deadpanned, "No. Even though you're a disaster gay that can't be more obvious. Lance is a disaster bi that can't be more oblivious."

"What do I doooo?!" Keith whined anxiously, running his hand through his hair.

"Just go talk to him! It'll work out, buddy!" Hunk smiled, clapping him on the back.

Pidge snorted. "We all know Keith doesn't do talking very well. Disaster gay, remember?"

Keith deflated. "She's right, I'm hopeless."

A hand ruffled Keith's hair playfully. "It doesn't have to be eloquent, just get across how you feel." Shiro smiled at his surrogate brother.

Eventually, with enough encouragement, Keith was able to slowly drag himself to Lance's room.

He knocked, unsure if Lance would wanna talk things out at all.

The door slid open. Lance stood there in a blue robe, obviously in the middle of his nightly beauty ritual. He immediately started talking, as always. "Look, Mullet, sorry for making you uncomfortable back there. Very unprofessional and all. Won't happen again."

Keith only stared at him. He had practiced words to say with the others, but now he was standing here he had completely forgot everything they told him to say.

Lance grew anxious as Keith didn't reply. He switched his weight to the other leg. It wasn't until Keith saw fear growing in his eyes, that Keith remembered Lance was probably remembering what happened the last time he hit on a guy. He had to say something. Anything.

"You can be a pain in my ass."

They stared at each other.

"But um. Only if. I can, maybe sometimes be a pain in your ass?" Keith finished lamely.

Lance only stared at him now, and Keith was the one growing uncomfortable with the silence. Had he broken him?

"I'm just saying I'm not a total power bottom or anything okay? Like, I'd like to top once in a while, if you're cool with it. We can flip a coin, or something."

And then, Lance laughed. "Oh my god, flip a coin? I can't with you."

Keith cracked a small smile and joked, "Well then maybe we can do rock-paper-scissors to decide."

They chortled for a little while, somehow ending up hugging each other as they gathered their breath. Keith nestled his nose into Lance's neck, enjoying that he was about a head taller.

"Do you really like me?" Lance asked quietly, in an unsure tone.

Keith pulled back. That wouldn't do, Lance wasn't supposed to sound so unsure of himself about anything ever. He grabbed Lance's cheeks, pulling his face down slightly so he could look Lance straight in his ice blue eyes. "How could I not? You're perfection."

Lance snorted. "Yeah right."

"Yeah, I _am_ right." Keith pursed his lips. "You, Lance McClain, are a wonderful, caring, funny, talented, beautiful human being that I love very much."

Lance's breath caught in his throat, the sincerity in Keith's eyes and words catching him off guard. "I-" He gulped. "I love you too."

Keith's answering smile was brilliant, brighter than the sun itself. Or any star in the galaxy, for that matter.

Their lips were closing the distance before Lance smirked and murmured, "And no, I don't mind if you want to top sometimes."

Keith just laughed into their kiss.

* * *

Allura tilted her head as Keith and Lance left the bridge, laughing and dangling their hands together. They had just announced they were a couple. She turned to Coran, "Are Keith and Lance not both... males?"

Coran stroked his mustache. "I believe they are, Princess. Pidge briefly described that some humans are not all heterosexual. They can be asexual, homosexual, pansexual... All confusing terms to me."

"But... what about procreation?" Allura hesitated. She had never met a species with such varied sexual preferences. "Is their biology different so that both genders carry their young?"

"I do not believe so. Humans have romantic and sexual relations not for the priority of procreation, apparently." Coran shrugged.

The princess simply waved her hands. "I suppose I shouldn't be that surprised. Humans are so weird."

"Indeed, Princess. They are the strangest species we've come across. Although, I must admit, Keith and Lance make a lovely couple."


End file.
